- in Football
Liverpool FC are looking to strengthen their attacking options after the failure of Mario Balotelli and Ricky Lambert to make an impact as, ahem, ‘impact subs’.
They have offered the local theatre group the two misfiring strikers in exchange for Dobbin, the Pantomime Horse.
Dobbin should offer Liverpool something they haven’t had since letting a donkey go; pace, coordination and an awareness that the goal is the white frame thingy with a net at each end of the pitch.
Arrs Likker, the former Dutch international, and now chief executive of the Pantomime Horse Association (PHA), said, “I’m not just (over) paid to trot out cliches. I’m sure that Dobbin will help Liverpool gallop away to success. He is chomping at the bit and deserves a chance in the top flight after overcoming many hurdles.”
Likker refused to answer any questions about the incident a few years ago on Blackpool Pleasure Beach involving Dobbin, a donkey and a bag of sugar cubes. “Every professional footballer, I mean, pantomime horse, deserves a second chance. Please keep me in my role”.
Dobbin’s Agent, Chancer Parasite, said that he was confident a deal would be done.
“We just need to agree personal terms and I don’t think five bags of carrots a week is either greedy or excessive. The horse has worked hard for this opportunity and can play eight games a week if necessary, including a matinee performance on Saturdays”.